Sunday, December 19, 2004
Lindsay gave me a cold. She promised to teach me to crochet, though; if I catch on, I shall forgive her. Grandmother Keith taught Ashlea and me how to crochet when we were in junior high. Ashlea took to it well and made many a doily, but the art frustrated me and I never re-learned it.
The Father did decide to finally cut me off financially. I wish he had done so immediately after I graduated high school rather than drag everything out this long, but oh, well. I think he blew the not-staying-at-their-house situation out of proportion in order to validate the decision. But had he been straight with me from the beginning about the fact that he cannot afford to take out parent loans, or pay for my books, or do anything to help me, then our relationship probably would not be as strained as it is presently. I can forgive him for not being able to afford to send me through college, but I now resent him in particular for stringing me along. This summer, for instance, I told him not to pay for my college if he couldn't afford it, but he then spoke out of the other side of his mouth, telling me- 'Oh, we'll find a way to get you through college'. I wasted my time this semester because The Father was too proud or selfish or something to admit he can't fulfill the one thing he has always promised he would do for me.
April and her parents probably think I'm an insomniac, because every night I've spent thus far at their house I wake up and watch television for a while, because I cannot sleep. Every night I brood about how I'm going to pay for books this semester, plus the myriad other issues now raised with The Father's decision. After finally becoming comfortable with what I've decided to do with my life, I'm going to be too stressed to enjoy school next semester. After showing up Christmas Eve at Terri and The Father's house with a bright smile on my face, I am not certain what I'll do- eat dinner, exchange gifts, kiss the monster children goodbye, and leave, I suppose. If The Father wants to talk to me, he ought to be the one making the phone call. He can afford the long distance.
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 11:57 AM]