Unter Den Tisch
Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Preparing for Latin and Greek class consumes an inordinate amount of time. I've been reading a few German articles over the weekend, which move a little quicker so long as I cheerfully ignore certain adverbs, particles, and prepostions (though I am fascinated by exclamations and interjections).

Closing every night this weekend hurt more than I had supposed it might. I did not finish preparing for Greek, so this morning I did not go (and I would only have fallen asleep). I prepared for most of Latin already, and have until two o'clock p.m. tomorrow to finish. Then more Greek. Then more German.

I know not why I inflict this pain upon myself. Other people have pointed out that learning three languages at once might not be the grandest of ideas, but then, I am too stubborn ever to have listened much to anyone my entire life, with certain notable exceptions. When I took piano lessons, my teacher told me never to make excuses, so I usually don't. My mother told me I wasn't allowed to have fun, and I make it a point not ever to do so, especially when other people are.

Avril tells me I should sleep more and that I should be nice. I have no time for the first and am wholly incapable of the second. If I sleep, the clowns will eat me.

I do not want to be eaten.

    [Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 7:27 PM]



An Ant On The Tablecloth Ran Into A Dormant Moth
Friday, January 26, 2007

Yesterday we translated less than a page during Greek class. Dr. Lavigne seemed more than a little miffed, but then, he expands discussion of the text or this or that grammatical point instead of simply letting us butcher the lines. I had prepared everything for yesterday's class, wie ein gutes Ei, but I had not skimmed it right before class, so I stumbled through a few phrases, too. Half the time I do not take Dr. Lavigne's meaning for a word (to diffentiate between having taken an entirely incorrect word, which does, as well, occur on occasion).

I do not like Dr. Lavigne quite so much as I used to.

Der Grair Bär seemed pleased with the scope of my bibliography and the fact that he had only to make slight omissions here and there in proofreading it. He suggested I narrow down only a few articles to read in their entirety (or I would be researching enough for a thesis), to include a few auf Deutsch.

He cautioned undergraduate German students normally never have to attempt this sort of academic writing, but he immediately approved of one article I happened to have before me (most are still online, in computer land), so this afternoon I shall endeavour to read through it after I finish some Latin.

We then pored over a couple of articles I had read through and made margin comments on. This was provocative, and he provided me with a background that is progressing as I encounter different points. Toward the end of the discussion he took up one of the articles and flipped through a few pages, reading my comments aloud. The second or third side note I had made read

Germany does not need to imitate Greece, because the Germans are fucking great.

I felt it an apt summary of the paragraph, and fortunately Der Grair Bär just found it mildly amusing.

    [Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 8:29 AM]



Mein Großvater Ist Gestorben
Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Tomorrow I am to meet with der Grair Bär [oder "dem" Grair Bär, if he is to be put into the dative] to discuss a running bibliography and any other progress I have made in my study of Goethe's Römische Elegien, which last, unfortunately, has been retarded due to my lack of reading time (between translating Latin and Greek texts, going to work, and running errands) and sporadic computer access. Fortunately, the volume of articles and books I received via interlibrary loan is extensive; I simply need to weed through everything.

With the elegies themselves, I have as yet to decide definitively any topic of study. I read through them all, natürlich, but am at the moment torn in several directions. I would like to avoid the overtly sexual references, merely because that would be the most obvious choice. Discussing Goethe's derivations from the Roman elegiac would be interesting, but I need to narrow down a subject.

So much to do, and so little Lauree.

    [Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 4:53 PM]



That Giraffe Makes Me So Happy
Saturday, January 06, 2007

The glans penis, the expanded cap of the corpus spongiosum, remains more malleable during erection because its tunica albuginea is much thinner than elsewhere in the penis. -I thank Wikipedia.

Not So Care Bear Name Your Not So Care Bear Name is Swears-a-lot Bear Get Your Not So Care Bear Name at Quizopolis.com

How Will I Die Quiz You will die at the age of 89 You will be killed when the chimpanzee's rise up and take control of the planet Find out how you will die at Quizopolis.com

    [Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 8:15 PM]



An Evil Defense Lawyer

    [Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 8:04 PM]



He Caught A Gazelle

I could not sleep after I returned from my visit with Louis and his girlfriend, Jessica. I am not anxious about anything in particular (at least, no more than usual), therefore I find this restlessness perplexing. I hope I did not wake April's parents as I tip-toed down the stairs, which are wooden and seem to creak at every bearing of weight. I whittled time away taking a quiz I found posted on Adrian's page:

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Lauree Frances Keith
Birthday:	April 23, 1985 (I emerged from the womb around four-thirty in the afternoon, after much resistance that ultimately proved futile)
Birthplace:	Memorial City Hospital in Houston, Texas (the room was probably dark)
Current Location:	I am currently seated before the computer in the breakfast nook of my best friend's house in Katy, but during the rest of the year I currently reside in an efficiency apartment in the armpit of America (which is to say, Lubbock, Texas)
Eye Color:	blue, my most readily-identifiable feature (besides the love handles)
Hair Color:	dark brown with streaks of Cookie Monster blue
Height:	I haven't been measured recently, but I should be five feet, four inches tall or thereabouts
Right Handed or Left Handed:	I do naughty things with my left hand, but pitch right
Your Heritage:	poverty
The Shoes You Wore Today:	red-and-creme New Balance tennie shoes
Your Weakness:	I have no upper-arm strength, which has thwarted every attempt I make to swing through trees, so I have to resort to walking, which is much slower.
Your Fears:	Dead squirrels- I see them everywhere, and it is starting to make me nervous.
Your Perfect Pizza:	Imo's thin-crust sausage-and-tomato pizza, cut into squares
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	I would like to live through the twenty-second year of my life without having a nervous collapse.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	goodbye
Thoughts First Waking Up:	Why bother living, when I already know what's in store?
FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING WHORE:	I still have my left hand.
Your Bedtime:	Between three and three-thirty on nights that I close at work, around midnight on nights when I close at eight and study at the coffee shop, and on the two nights I do not work, I remain awake until such time that I have completed the errands, personal business, schoolwork, etc. that I neglected during the remainder of the week due to the inordinate amount of time wasted earning money to pay for my rock 'n' roll lifestyle.
Your Most Missed Memory:	I vaguely remember this thing, called "sleep", to which others refer often.
Pepsi or Coke:	I was raised on Coke (or perhaps by Coke), but I can handle Pepsi if it is the only beverage available.
MacDonalds or Burger King:	I prefer Burger King to McDonald's, even after having been food-poisoned at Burger King once.
Single or Group Dates:	I do not date, for people are my hell.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Lipton Iced Teas have better flavour.
Chocolate or Vanilla:	I eat chocolate.
Cappuccino or Coffee:	I enjoy the smell of coffee but would rather drink a cappuccino.
Do you Smoke:	I have never inhaled.
Do you Swear:	I do not invoke any gods by oath, no, but since coming to college I cuss like a sailor.
Do you Sing:	No one would ever pay to hear me sing, but I do sing occasionally, and I believe I would make a good Muppet.
Do you Shower Daily:	Yes, but it takes forever for my daily detoxification, and I take advantage of any opportunity (usually once or twice a month) for which I might scrape through a day without having to bathe.
Have you Been in Love:	I am incapable of love.
Do you want to go to College:	I want to surround my current college with explosives, drive off to a safe distance, detonate the explosives, and drive out of west Texas forever. I like school.
Do you want to get Married:	Only for convenience- otherwise, no.
Do you belive in yourself:	Yes, and I am so frightened by my capabilities that I do absolutely everything I can to suppress the realization of my true potential.
Do you get Motion Sickness:	I become nauseated when attempting to read Stephen King novels on long road trips.
Do you think you are Attractive:	Maybe to a buffalo. And flies. And mosquitoes. And MISERY.
Are you a Health Freak:	Healthy people probably look upon me as a freak, yes.
Do you get along with your Parents:	My mother is dead. She loved me, but she didn't like me. My father is alive. Until he remarried, he liked me fine. However, he is incapable of love, so I no longer speak to him.
Do you like Thunderstorms:	I would like for my father's house to be annihilated by thunderstorm lightning. I will like thunderstorms better when they have accomplished this.
Do you play an Instrument:	I used to play the clarinet and the piano, but now have time for neither. My three-sizes-too-small heart is black and empty where what little musical passion I possessed is extinguished.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	I do not drink normally, ever, but in the past month I have had a few margaritas and a small sampling of white wine.
In the past month have you Smoked:	I do not smoke.
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	I have taken Benadryl and NyQuil.
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	I have not courted anyone in the past month.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	In the past month I have been to three malls- the mediocre one in Lubbock, a bigger but similarly-mediocre one in Houston, and the biggest and most mediocre of this group, the last in Katy
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	I consumed an entire box of milk chocolate-covered Oreos yesterday. I did not share it with anyone, which made it all the more delicious.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	I haven't eaten sushi in two or three years.
In the past month have you been on Stage:	I live on a stage. I would like to fire the entire crew and start over with a better production.
In the past month have you been Dumped:	No one dumps me and lives.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	I'm not skinny.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	Nothing that's been reported as stolen.
Ever been Drunk:	I have never been inebriated.
Ever been called a Tease:	I have been called a tease, but only in the elaboration of the fact that I am not a tease.
Ever been Beaten up:	Not by anyone outside of my family.
Ever Shoplifted:	When I was eight I stole Neapolitan chewy candy from Kroger's once.
How do you want to Die:	I would like to have my throat slashed.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	I refuse to grow up. I want to stay a little boy and have fun.
What country would you most like to Visit:	Egypt.
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	grey
Favourite Hair Color:	red
Short or Long Hair:	longish
Height:	me or more
Weight:	me or more
Best Clothing Style:	the most expensive (indication of a thick credit card account)
Number of Drugs I have taken:	No more than two at once.
Number of CDs I own:	More than fifty, but probably less than one hundred
Number of Piercings:	five (two in each ear lobe, and one in the cartlidge of my right ear)
Number of Tattoos:	zero
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	Nearly everything
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

    [Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 2:03 AM]



I Wasn't Even Going For "Sociopathic"
Friday, January 05, 2007

Having reorganized my billfold, constructed a list of tasks and errands to complete on my return to the armpit of America, and further defined due dates for certain events and tasks in my day planner, I felt it important to establish what sort of movie I might be, according to the distinct nature of my personality. April and I laughed aloud at the result:

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

I haven't even watched Apocalypse Now in its entirety, though it is one of the three hundred-plus films now in my NetFlix queue.

    [Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 4:56 PM]



Appropriating Time Wisely

The tasks I must complete, books I must read, articles I must print, films I must watch (I am now a NetFlix subscriber) lie in wait upon my return to Lubbock, ready to overwhelm me with the complexities involved in juggling everything. To solve my problems, I took a quiz:

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Now that I am aware of what sort of leader I am, I may better conduct myself through the new year. I will lose forty pounds, be able to translate Greek and Latin passages on first sight, and develop a working drainage system for the city of Lubbock, Texas before the end of the semester, for I am Che Guevara.

    [Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 1:41 PM]



Learn How To Keep It Off
Thursday, January 04, 2007

Neither April nor I know how to apply make up (specifically, eye make up), so yesterday we went to Macy's (the Clinique counter) to have a nice girl from the Ukraine do our faces over. The foundation she used covered my redness and acne blemishes, but she unfortunately had none in stock, so I'll have to journey to Dillard's upon my return to Lubbock next week.

We also pawed through sale-priced underwear at Victoria's Secret, each walking out with perfume-scented bags containing five pairs. Mine are rainbow-coloured. Upon arrival at the Koury residence, April's father took glamour shots of us with our made-up faces and new underwear on our heads.

Yesterday we also went to the Harris County public library and were thoroughly disappointed. I had wanted to copy Latin and Greek elegiac texts, but none were to be found, so I must wait until I return to school. Neither of us could concentrate, so we left after a very short time to wander around the dollar store, which we also found to be disappointing, as is so much of life.

    [Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 11:36 AM]



Ich Bin Ein Behindertes Kind
Tuesday, January 02, 2007

April and I the past several days have loafed about, but this afternoon we endeavoured to accomplish something, and therefore went to Starbucks to study, which felt highly unusual from our routines (in our respective college towns) of sitting in locally-owned coffee houses. Neither of us drink coffee, either, so April became easily bored with her hot chocolate and I downed a mocha frappuccino as though I had never tasted one before. April did some Arabic, and I read through Goethe's published elegies, plus one of the group he published later and apart from the originals (too scandalous).

Afterward, we walked around The Evil Mall, found nothing of interest, then drove back to the plaza next to Starbucks for lunch at a Vietnamese restaurant. Then we had ice cream, which nicely complemented the barbeque pork I consumed.

Jetzt muß ich Deutsch studieren.

    [Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 2:56 PM]