Sunday, January 27, 2008
I do not want to find a new job. It will make me tired. It will make me cranky. I will not be able to think.
A few weeks ago, I overheard a pair of professors discussing what it was like to work and attend school as undergrads. One claimed everyone should work during college.
Lauree disagrees. If Lauree did not have to go out and serve food or refold the same shirt ninety times during a shift or answer phone calls or clean up after other people, Lauree would be able to think clearly, make well-informed decisions, study her lessons and actually learn them, read for recreational purposes, sleep, make mayhem, etc.
I nearly leapt out of my chair to cut this moron's face off with my boxcutter.
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 10:54 AM]
And Then Came The Women
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Perhaps I ought to abandon the usual Full Throttle con pizza/Full Throttle con sausage burrito combos which constitute the greater portion of my diet on school days. Lately they make my stomach scream. I spent the latter half of yesterday and will spend this evening at The Lauree Lair, curled in bed fetal-position to read for a Norse mythology class and for the Julius Caesar study, making frequent trips to the toilet.
I avoided the job search this week. I know anything I land will drain and depress me. Let Bank of America close my checking account. They've raped me with hundreds of dollars in fees over the past several years, anyway. For any overdraft charge, I have to work an entire day to break even again. Pssh.
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 3:23 PM]
Slimey Found His Way Back To The Trashcan
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Donating plasma last night, the doctors stuck me thrice. Adrian missed my vein the first time. He eventually set the needle in, and I underwent the first draining cycle. But when the tubes began returning blood to my body, pressure began to build up and would have collapsed my vein, if I hadn't called Adrian over. Someone else (Toby) moved the needle to the vein in my left arm that did not bleed well the time before last (with bruises still observable above and below the puncture). The machine took one withdrawal, but the return hurt and I waved my right arm frantically for someone to rescue me.
Toby, Adrian, and a third person came over; they then summoned the floor supervisor, who, after pressing the vein a bit, gently explained he would move the needle to a second vein in my left arm that seemed suitable. That one drained fine, and I received five extra dollars for having been stuck thrice.
Adrian felt terrible, and walked by several times muttering that twenty-five dollars was not compensation enough for the pain he had put me through. He even tried pressing some of his own money into my hand, but I wouldn't let him. When I was his supervisor at the deli, he just had to make wraps and serve people chicken strips. Sticking a needle in someone's arm cannot always be as simple as they make it look. The floor supervisor seemed braced for me to scream from the pain or get reproachful, but I felt no need for theatrics. I wasn't being ignored, and no one had done anything incompetent.
I hobbled home and took a sleep.
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 5:21 AM]
Ich Bin Gestorben
Friday, January 11, 2008
Donating plasma last night took twice the amount of time it normally does, for the tubes draining blood out of my left arm apparently clotted several times during the course of the withdrawal. One of the four phlebomotomists who handled my vein pulled the needle back-and-forth and rolled the vein around in an attempt to increase the flow. The movements bruised me. Later she switched the needle to my other arm.
The last person to touch me (a nice young man named Adrian, who used to be one of my employees over a year ago when I worked on campus) exclaimed, "Who stuck you? She did a sloppy job!" Fantastisch, hab' ich gedacht. As Adrian held up the tubes to allow the blood to flow back into me, he asked if the process was hurting. When I replied in the negative, he said in a tone of surprise, "Really? Are you sure?" Now no longer certain and slighly discomfited, I informed him I would begin screaming at the slightest hint of pain.
Since I had no official Latin or Greek courses available, I enrolled for Dr. Holland's seminar on the Augustan age and an independent study of Caesar's Civil War. He approached me the day before yesterday with the news that we could read select passages of Caesar auf Latein, so that I may continue some structured Latin readings. Ausgezeichnet. Ich liebe Dr. Holland. The seminar and the Caesar will be entertaining.
This weekend I hope to complete essays for grad school applications, to mail them all off Monday and Tuesday. This evening I am devoting to the completion of homework assignments. Viel Spaß.
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 2:09 PM]
First Day Of School Report: Spring 2008
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Dr. Holland offers two Classics independent research courses this semester: one on the Augustan Age, the other on Caesar and the Civil Wars. Originally not intending to take either, I decided to enroll for them after discovering I would not be taking Latin or Greek translation classes formally. Dr. Lavigne spent the past couple of days figuring how to find anyone with time to read Latin with me, and sent a very late e-mail this morning to the effect that he had failed. However, Dr. Holland caught me this afternoon and mentioned we could read certain important passages in the original Latin as we read Caesar.
I do love deviant old men. At one point during our discussion, Dr. Holland giggled: "Of course, I can't change the syllabus; the administration is more vigilant than they used to be..." Dr. Christiansen has offered his services as a guide o' Greek (Lucian and possibly Herodotus) pro bono. We will meet tomorrow morning at his sehr humongous office in the Philosophy building (he is Department Chair). I am a little anxious about the impression I will make, since I have not looked at Greek much over the break. But things should progress well enough after the first session or two.
MWF: Classes are at eleven and one. I have algebra in the morning with a pretty Turkish grad student. She admitted her English is not the greatest, but she seemed patient. She gave a review lecture on important properties after reading off the syllabus. I did well enough in algebra in high school and anticipate few problems, provided I attend class and do the homework assignments on occasion. At one Der Grair Bär teaches a class in English covering Northern myths and legends. I took an English fiction class sophomore year that used Freudian and Jungian theories of analysis. Dr. Grair encouraged interpreting the stories beyond those archetypal concepts, for which I am grateful. We needn't be exclusive.
TR: Tomorrow morning I begin at nine reading Greek with Dr. Christiansen for an hour. Afterward I am free until a twelve-thirty German grammar class, followed by a meeting with Dr. Holland concerning the course of our independent research.
Friday after classes I hope to purchase a replacement bike. I have three hundred dollars in-store credit, plus some additional funds from the tuition refund I received this afternoon. The money allows me to finalize grad school applications, pay rent, get the bike, and pay off other delinquent bills. Glorious.
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 2:22 PM]
Fallin' In A Great Big Way For You
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
I baked off a palate of Tollhouse oatmeal raisin cookies this weekend. Three of those dough squares somehow never made it so far as the cookie pan. The survivors lived only long enough for an agonizing bake in three hundred twenty-five degrees of heat. The cookies spent a few cooling minutes on the rack before either consumption or placement in a Tupperware container.
Store-bought cookie dough: inferior to cookie dough made from scratch. Nothing in life has ever been as good as it was when I was a kid, except Chef Boyardee canned ravioli... always bueno.
I am supposed to be working on something: I should be reading, or finding a decent place to work (I walked out of Schlotzky's a week ago). In lieu of that, I have filled out the following form:
1) Who are three of your favorite teachers ever?
Mr. Boudny (sixth grade social studies), Mr. Richards (eleventh grade algebra), and, of course, Der Grair Bär (college German)
2) What is your favorite picture ever taken of you?
The photograph of me on my third birthday, covered in chocolate cake and nevertheless managing to look extremely disappointed with life.
3) What are your guilty pleasures?
Toying with people's minds. Shoplifting. Animal sacrifice.
4) What was your first job and did you like it?
At fourteen I worked at the store where I took piano lessons. I usually enjoyed selling rental instruments and helping schedule music classes.
5) What do you consider to be your best physical feature and why?
My ears are the best part of me. Minus the piercings, they are flawless. Most other people have ugly ears.
6) What are 3 of your pet peeves?
I become irate with people who waste my time in any context. I dislike walking through or standing in the midst of cigarette smoke. And people who think I exist to be their eye candy can stuff it.
7) What's the story behind one of your scars?
One morning around one my iPod Nano and I went for a walk around the Texas Tech campus dorms. I looked down at the nano face to change a song, and suddenly found myself sprawled flat on the pavement, having tripped over a step. I gashed my right knee through my jeans, consequently staining the pants and earning a humongous scar.
8) If a movie were to be made about your life, what would it be called?
Freud Case Basket Case
9) What is your favorite TV show of all time and why?
Married... With Children, because the comedy was trashy (until the final few seasons, anyhow).
10) If you could travel back to any point in time, what era and place would you choose?
1929: The edge of a balcony right after the crash.
11) What song defines your life right now?
"Crazy", Patsy Cline version
12) Have you ever had a near-death experience?
A spider bite nearly killed me last summer.
13) What is something you do daily?
Breathe. I'd like to quit.
14) If you were a crayon, what color would you be and why?
I would be an ocean shade of blue, because I am always drowning in something.
15) What movie/TV show/cartoon character are you most like and why?
I would be Charlie Brown- anything an adult has ever said to me sounds like "wah wah wah".
16) Who shares your birthday?
William Shakespeare. He also died on my birthday. That is what I have to look forward to.
17) What names are you considering for your kids?
Boys: Theodore and Thurston
Girls: Dandelion and Patricia
18) Where are you right now?
At the Lauree Lair, awaiting the ax-wielding murderer.
19) If you could have one super power what would it be and why?
The ability to manage time wisely, because then I might get one thing done.
20) What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
The penis.
21) Who is your favorite celebrity train wreck?
Keith Richards. His face is the main reason I do not do drugs.
22) What's your most recent exciting purchase?
The money order for my application to the University of Florida.
23) What was your favorite movie and/or book as a child?
Movie: Ferris Beuler's Day Off
Book: A Little Princess
24) When was your first kiss and who was it with?
Seventh grade: a boy named Jason
25) Who are your favorite actors?
Morgan Freeman, Tommy Lee Jones, Robin Williams, Christopher Walken;
I hate women
26) What was the last thing you ate?
Two oatmeal raisin cookies and a mug of mocha-flavoured milk
27) As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
An interior designer
28) What is your greatest weakness?
Not being as blunt about myself as I am about other people.
29) Describe your life in three words.
Never-ending, agonizing DAYMARE
30) Do you have any tattoos, what are they, and when did you get them?
No tattoos.
31) Describe the perfect pizza.
Imo's Pizza (St. Louis, Missouri): a flat, cardboard-thin pizza- sausage with tomato slices
32) What is one thing scientists should invent?
Something that destroys feelings of guilt.
33) What should you be you be doing instead of this?
Sending grad school information to the people who are supposed to be writing my recommendation letters.
34) What is one stereotype people could assign to you that's actually true?
I am "white" (to people who actually believe in race) and therefore I cannot work. I'd like to write that on my job applications.
35) If you were required to change your first name, what would you change it to?
Oliver
36) What are your current obsessions?
Listening to German reggae. Drinking the Fuze banana colada drink. Avoiding bill payments.
37) What are three things you ALWAYS have with you?
Emotional baggage, a boxcutter, and my shiny Seiko watch.
38) Do you believe in soulmates?
Nope. Moot question, since I don't believe in souls.
39) What's the closest object to you that's orange?
The cover of a spiral Staples notepad.
40) What is your definition of love?
Knocking a boy down, sitting on him, rubbing dirt in his hair, and then running away.
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 2:10 AM]
Er Liebt Mich, Und Warum Nicht?
Monday, January 07, 2008
Mein Großvater hat mir fünfzig Dollars geschickt. Ich liebe Großvati.
Staring at the computer for the past few hours wore out my eyeballs. The activities scheduled for the next several hours require that I continue to use my eyeballs, a situation most undesirable, for if I sleep (the best solution) I will not wake up again until tomorrow morning: time lost, never to be recovered.
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 6:37 PM]
The Attention Span Of Daffy Duck
Friday, January 04, 2008
I began this evening's coffee shop Internet session with all good intent to finish applications for a couple of grad schools. For some reason, the University of Florida Classics and German websites will not load. In lieu of completing that task, then, I discovered a video of George Harrison performing at the Concert For Bangladesh. I've also been listening to German gangsta-rap artists. If I cannot be productive, at least I can be entertained.
I suppose I will leave off in a moment to write a couple of purpose statements. My one purpose in life is to avoid becoming entirely like my mother. I suspect a 1,000-word essay on that topic might not get me into grad school, so I have to come up with something else. Scheisse.
I posted the following to my blog a year ago:
Neither April nor I know how to apply make up (specifically, eye make up), so yesterday we went to Macy's (the Clinique counter) to have a nice girl from the Ukraine do our faces over. The foundation she used covered my redness and acne blemishes, but she unfortunately had none in stock, so I'll have to journey to Dillard's upon my return to Lubbock next week.Bedtime.
We also pawed through sale-priced underwear at Victoria's Secret, each walking out with perfume-scented bags containing five pairs. Mine are rainbow-coloured. Upon arrival at the Koury residence, April's father took glamour shots of us with our made-up faces and new underwear on our heads.
Yesterday we also went to the Harris County public library and were thoroughly disappointed. I had wanted to copy Latin and Greek elegiac texts, but none were to be found, so I must wait until I return to school. Neither of us could concentrate, so we left after a very short time to wander around the dollar store, which we also found to be disappointing, as is so much of life.
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 4:06 PM]
One Night I Visit A Slaughterhouse Somewhere In The High Plains
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
In order to enroll in the basic algebra course- the final core requirement for graduation- I must pay fifty dollars to take the Accuplacer exam. Ich bin sehr ausgepisst. Ich habe kein Geld. Plus, I took pre-algebra at an accredited community college three years ago, so I should be qualified to take college algebra now. Plugging numbers into equations is monkey business.
The professor for the German grammar class sent an e-mail to the effect that we must seek the text on Amazon. Normalerweise ist es kein Problem, but I am overdrawn on all my credit accounts at the moment, which makes obtaining a copy tricky... the refund on my student loans probably won't come through until after mid-month. Up until that point, things will be very ugly.
The above concerns me much less than graduate school applications. I have not applied anywhere, partly because I am extremely upset with the Classics department at the moment, but mostly because I lack funds to do so, after trying to make rent (due tomorrow). I already missed the funding deadline for the University of Georgia, and for the German department at Penn. Most deadlines fall February first.
If my refund comes in before February, all will be well, presuming I have all the other materials ready. It would then only be a matter of sending in checks. This afternoon, after meeting with Dr. Christiansen about setting up times to study Greek, I will drop by the financial aid office to settle the date.
Being poor is fun.
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 10:27 AM]