Friday, February 17, 2006
Tim, Sharada, and Matt tried convincing me last night that I ought to try climbing. I make any excuse, but they each swear it is a most rewarding pursuit. Anyone who has ever met me would probably laugh at this next statement, but I shall make it nevertheless: I do not want to look silly. I am just self-conscious enough that the notion of clinging desperately to a wall dozens of feet skyward, with several fit, athleticly-inclined people below half-consciously scrutinizing my unfit, unathleticly-inclined ass, creates an insurmountable mountain of anxiety. Matt says it will burn calories, and Sharada says I don't need to use my arms ("you just step up"), but neither of these things changes the fact that I am insecure.
Matt and Dr. Lavigne both teased me about riding the bike that goes nowhere and the elliptical machine that also gets me noplace, because they do not understand the triumph over mental adversity I made to even do those things. My body has always connived against me. It never does what I want it to do, and it seems to constantly break in odd places, such as my ear, my shins, and my thumb tips. The stuff I am doing right now is easy and painless- I need to build my strenghth and coordination with the bike and with equipment in the weight room before I would feel confident enough to add a "real sport" to my fitness repertoire. Of course, this logic is entirely impractical, but... I doubt I would enjoy rock-climbing, anyhow.
In other news, Ali (the head manager at Sam's) met with me the other day to discuss my recent two weeks' notice notice. I had assumed he merely wanted to determine why I was leaving and wish me a semi-sincere good-luck, but he instead offered to promote me to Head of Training, along with another guy, Duane. Duane originally would have been the only person promoted, but Ali might convince the people above him that he employs enough people to warrant a second trainer.
I love Duane to pieces. He is very direct, and colossaly more practical and clear-sighted than I am. But I do have more than a semester over him, and if they had not promoted him, it would have been any other guy the managers felt they wanted to buddy-buddy with on weekends. I quit before I even knew who my managers were scrutininzing, because I did not have to be told it would never be me. I almost quit last semester, after they promoted JPat, a guy who only does something different every other day to get himself fired. I suspect my main disadvantages are my naivete about certain things and my tendency to act on decisions without considering every factor absolutely (e.g. quitting my job without securing another one first).
Another reason I wanted to quit, as I expressed to Duane last night: I have worked at Sam's over a year, and still do not know how to do certain minor things, such as change the dumpster, wash dishes (the bulky, odd-shaped things), make coffee, etc., that everyone ought to know how to do. I told Ali I had taken that as another indication that I would never be considered for a promotion. If I am not being trained fully, then I must not be worth employing. Why keep around someone who is undertrained? Der Arbeit ärgert mir.
At the moment I intend to play hooky from Stammtisch, in order to ride Dieter and Wolfdietrich and perhaps visit the weight room (depending on the volume of people therein). Then I need to fill out a few scholarship forms and make some headway on the next Greek assignment. Tomorrow I should devote to German (reading the next story) and expanding my research on Manfred Korfmann. With midterm fast approaching, I should finish reading the sections necessary for the Troy seminar.
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 1:16 PM]