TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey Name: Lauree Frances Keith Birthday: April 23, 1985 (I emerged from the womb around four-thirty in the afternoon, after much resistance that ultimately proved futile) Birthplace: Memorial City Hospital in Houston, Texas (the room was probably dark) Current Location: I am currently seated before the computer in the breakfast nook of my best friend's house in Katy, but during the rest of the year I currently reside in an efficiency apartment in the armpit of America (which is to say, Lubbock, Texas) Eye Color: blue, my most readily-identifiable feature (besides the love handles) Hair Color: dark brown with streaks of Cookie Monster blue Height: I haven't been measured recently, but I should be five feet, four inches tall or thereabouts Right Handed or Left Handed: I do naughty things with my left hand, but pitch right Your Heritage: poverty The Shoes You Wore Today: red-and-creme New Balance tennie shoes Your Weakness: I have no upper-arm strength, which has thwarted every attempt I make to swing through trees, so I have to resort to walking, which is much slower. Your Fears: Dead squirrels- I see them everywhere, and it is starting to make me nervous. Your Perfect Pizza: Imo's thin-crust sausage-and-tomato pizza, cut into squares Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: I would like to live through the twenty-second year of my life without having a nervous collapse. Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: goodbye Thoughts First Waking Up: Why bother living, when I already know what's in store? FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING WHORE: I still have my left hand. Your Bedtime: Between three and three-thirty on nights that I close at work, around midnight on nights when I close at eight and study at the coffee shop, and on the two nights I do not work, I remain awake until such time that I have completed the errands, personal business, schoolwork, etc. that I neglected during the remainder of the week due to the inordinate amount of time wasted earning money to pay for my rock 'n' roll lifestyle. Your Most Missed Memory: I vaguely remember this thing, called "sleep", to which others refer often. Pepsi or Coke: I was raised on Coke (or perhaps by Coke), but I can handle Pepsi if it is the only beverage available. MacDonalds or Burger King: I prefer Burger King to McDonald's, even after having been food-poisoned at Burger King once. Single or Group Dates: I do not date, for people are my hell. Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton Iced Teas have better flavour. Chocolate or Vanilla: I eat chocolate. Cappuccino or Coffee: I enjoy the smell of coffee but would rather drink a cappuccino. Do you Smoke: I have never inhaled. Do you Swear: I do not invoke any gods by oath, no, but since coming to college I cuss like a sailor. Do you Sing: No one would ever pay to hear me sing, but I do sing occasionally, and I believe I would make a good Muppet. Do you Shower Daily: Yes, but it takes forever for my daily detoxification, and I take advantage of any opportunity (usually once or twice a month) for which I might scrape through a day without having to bathe. Have you Been in Love: I am incapable of love. Do you want to go to College: I want to surround my current college with explosives, drive off to a safe distance, detonate the explosives, and drive out of west Texas forever. I like school. Do you want to get Married: Only for convenience- otherwise, no. Do you belive in yourself: Yes, and I am so frightened by my capabilities that I do absolutely everything I can to suppress the realization of my true potential. Do you get Motion Sickness: I become nauseated when attempting to read Stephen King novels on long road trips. Do you think you are Attractive: Maybe to a buffalo. And flies. And mosquitoes. And MISERY. Are you a Health Freak: Healthy people probably look upon me as a freak, yes. Do you get along with your Parents: My mother is dead. She loved me, but she didn't like me. My father is alive. Until he remarried, he liked me fine. However, he is incapable of love, so I no longer speak to him. Do you like Thunderstorms: I would like for my father's house to be annihilated by thunderstorm lightning. I will like thunderstorms better when they have accomplished this. Do you play an Instrument: I used to play the clarinet and the piano, but now have time for neither. My three-sizes-too-small heart is black and empty where what little musical passion I possessed is extinguished. In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: I do not drink normally, ever, but in the past month I have had a few margaritas and a small sampling of white wine. In the past month have you Smoked: I do not smoke. In the past month have you been on Drugs: I have taken Benadryl and NyQuil. In the past month have you gone on a Date: I have not courted anyone in the past month. In the past month have you gone to a Mall: In the past month I have been to three malls- the mediocre one in Lubbock, a bigger but similarly-mediocre one in Houston, and the biggest and most mediocre of this group, the last in Katy In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: I consumed an entire box of milk chocolate-covered Oreos yesterday. I did not share it with anyone, which made it all the more delicious. In the past month have you eaten Sushi: I haven't eaten sushi in two or three years. In the past month have you been on Stage: I live on a stage. I would like to fire the entire crew and start over with a better production. In the past month have you been Dumped: No one dumps me and lives. In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: I'm not skinny. In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Nothing that's been reported as stolen. Ever been Drunk: I have never been inebriated. Ever been called a Tease: I have been called a tease, but only in the elaboration of the fact that I am not a tease. Ever been Beaten up: Not by anyone outside of my family. Ever Shoplifted: When I was eight I stole Neapolitan chewy candy from Kroger's once. How do you want to Die: I would like to have my throat slashed. What do you want to be when you Grow Up: I refuse to grow up. I want to stay a little boy and have fun. What country would you most like to Visit: Egypt. In a Boy/Girl.. Favourite Eye Color: grey Favourite Hair Color: red Short or Long Hair: longish Height: me or more Weight: me or more Best Clothing Style: the most expensive (indication of a thick credit card account) Number of Drugs I have taken: No more than two at once. Number of CDs I own: More than fifty, but probably less than one hundred Number of Piercings: five (two in each ear lobe, and one in the cartlidge of my right ear) Number of Tattoos: zero Number of things in my Past I Regret: Nearly everything CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!
